up and down today for the most part. last night sucked. i took cold medicine, he was riled up and wanted to do it and I covered up and didn't want to. he got mad, went to the couch. i cried. i hate it when he does that. it makes me feel like my marriage is bad. i don't mind if he stays up and plays video games all night and falls asleep, but when he leaves me purposely for the couch it makes me feel terrible inside, maybe he feels that way too, and it sucks.
this whole house has been sick. sex is the VERY last thing on my mind right now, i just want to kick back and relax and sleep....but not him....
things were ok this morning, and tonight were fine....we'll see how long it lasts, but mostly i just want my sweet good natured hubby back.....
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Monday, February 7, 2011
Days 3 & 4
things are better...but weird....and i'm not sure if i should be stressed out or just like, whatever and lets go with this. i've honestly never felt more empowered in my marriage than right now. it's make or break time. this will be marriage year number 5 - two more to the dreaded 7 the time when a marriage will break or things will be ok.
on Saturday morning i was clowned for liking an article that talked about the loss of a husband after lamenting about his death that came after another boring night of marriage....and how the wife would do anything to have the small habits of her husbad back, just to have him alive agian.
on Sunday night, Nancy Grace made my husband cry for hours. HOURS. not just tears, but sobbing cries. The topic was parents who kill their children, and the sadness of Juliani Cardenas, a 4-year old boy who reminds us both of our son, our beautiful crazy boy. this made my husband so emotional and sad and overwhelmed all at once. and all the time we talked, i was greatful he didn't run for the green. he faced it and dealt with his emotions.
he said he was sorry that he clowned me about the article. he was genuine and it felt nice that he noticed that he can be a complete asshole.
my brother just called me. lumps were found in my sister-in-laws breasts..... to be continued....
on Saturday morning i was clowned for liking an article that talked about the loss of a husband after lamenting about his death that came after another boring night of marriage....and how the wife would do anything to have the small habits of her husbad back, just to have him alive agian.
on Sunday night, Nancy Grace made my husband cry for hours. HOURS. not just tears, but sobbing cries. The topic was parents who kill their children, and the sadness of Juliani Cardenas, a 4-year old boy who reminds us both of our son, our beautiful crazy boy. this made my husband so emotional and sad and overwhelmed all at once. and all the time we talked, i was greatful he didn't run for the green. he faced it and dealt with his emotions.
he said he was sorry that he clowned me about the article. he was genuine and it felt nice that he noticed that he can be a complete asshole.
my brother just called me. lumps were found in my sister-in-laws breasts..... to be continued....
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Day 2
It's day two of at home detox for my husband. I want to feel happy, but I hate how he is right now. I know it will be over in a few weeks, but I don't know if I can tolerate this much more....
My sweet, good-natured husband has left along with the green stuff that kept him smiling and happy all the time. I want to think that it's for the best, because this will be one less thing for us to worry about when he finally lands a job, but at the same time, will it?
Every time he opens his mouth to me, I feel like whatever is going to happen is my fault. I don't listen enough. I'm not quick enough with the comeback. Something.
I feel really alone right now because none of my friends have husbands/boyfriends like this and I feel like I have no one to talk to. He is so physical. Not physically abusive. No, he is verbally abusive. He's just a physical man and hurts everything around me, just not me.... Should I be greatful? Should I be fucking happy he's not punching me in the face, and be glad that it's the cabinets that get broken? I just don't understand why he is SO ANGRY!!! Why? Two beautiful kids. A good loving wife that brings home the bacon. A group of friends that love him, and a family that adores him? What the fuck is so wrong with that??
So, this blog is my place to put my issues out onto. Because I have no physical being to talk to about any of it. If I can make it a year everyday to come on here and pour my heart out, then awesome, I'll have gained some sort of consistancy in my life.
My sweet, good-natured husband has left along with the green stuff that kept him smiling and happy all the time. I want to think that it's for the best, because this will be one less thing for us to worry about when he finally lands a job, but at the same time, will it?
Every time he opens his mouth to me, I feel like whatever is going to happen is my fault. I don't listen enough. I'm not quick enough with the comeback. Something.
I feel really alone right now because none of my friends have husbands/boyfriends like this and I feel like I have no one to talk to. He is so physical. Not physically abusive. No, he is verbally abusive. He's just a physical man and hurts everything around me, just not me.... Should I be greatful? Should I be fucking happy he's not punching me in the face, and be glad that it's the cabinets that get broken? I just don't understand why he is SO ANGRY!!! Why? Two beautiful kids. A good loving wife that brings home the bacon. A group of friends that love him, and a family that adores him? What the fuck is so wrong with that??
So, this blog is my place to put my issues out onto. Because I have no physical being to talk to about any of it. If I can make it a year everyday to come on here and pour my heart out, then awesome, I'll have gained some sort of consistancy in my life.
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